Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Her name is Rio and...



Her name is Rio and she desecrates the flag
Just like those IEDs hiding in a roadside bag
And when she burns she really burns up all she can
Oh rio rio traitor to this holy land.


-- this was an attempt to mock
Senator Cat-killer and his failed attempt to amend the constitution to include some kind of law against being unpatriotic and by no means should it be taken as an insult to Duran Duran or anyone affiliated with this video because I really like it and I may be running a slight fever right now and I just wanted to post something --

Update 6/28/2006 1:00 AM: I really should get my sick ass to bed but I had to update this previous post with sweet sweet Sesame Street via boingboing

Friday, June 23, 2006

I am become tuxedo kitty,

the destroyer of cockroaches.



...and the global war on cockroaches rages on...

Thursday, June 22, 2006

it was the flying kind...



and tuxedo kitty still got it!!! *

Meanwhile, poor mrs g-toast is still
stuck in NJ somewhere which turns out to be a blessing in disguise - cuz she really, really, really hates abhors the kind that fly.

She hates abhors them all - but flying? c'mon.

* in case you can't make it out: it's a cockroach. I smashed it.

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

what's the CB code for WTF?*

memo

to: my dog (who hates me)
from: g-toast (me)
date: 6.21.2006 (right now)
re: 'mommy'

ummm... she's going to be a little
late**

:-(

* see here

** New Jersey Turnpike Authority - Highway Advisory Radio (0:36 wav file)

Update 6/21/2006 10:07 PM: really really late (1:15 wav file)

Update 6/22/2006 1:07 AM: jeebus! still? what the hell kind of car accident was this? (1:18 wav file)

...1:20 AM - hey! she made it home! :-)

Update 6/22/2006 11:15 AM: this is all I've been able to find so far:
June 22, 2006
Hightstown: Crash Snarls Turnpike Traffic
By JENNIFER 8. LEE
A tractor-trailer accident on the New Jersey Turnpike caused extensive traffic delays for several hours starting at 6 p.m. yesterday. Vehicles were backed up for more than three miles in both directions near Exit 8, the state police said.

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

fluffy slipper fetching

say that three times fast. Why should you? Why own a dog that hates you? Why do anything? Why does everything have to have a point?

So, 'mommy' is away again leaving me and my dog (who hates me) to do some bonding. Or not. But the bonding time will have to wait until I get home after being at work all day. I heard somewhere that a dog’s perception of time differs from ours - that any amount of time longer than thirty minutes will simply feel like an eternity. This is supposed to comfort me but it doesn’t. Of course I don’t expect a dog to be able to think in terms of minutes and hours but I do think dogs recognize that the sun was over here and now it’s way over there – solar time.

So, if the Earth could quit rotating while I’m at work that would be super.

And if I can’t get a heads-up about whether my dog is ever going to stop hating me maybe the earth could just open up and swallow me whole because I think I would prefer that to the purgatory on this side of the crust and mantle.

mmmmm. crust.

I Got Your Analogies Right Here* - Brooklyn Edition:

an entire Junior's Cheesecake : a quick, nutritious snack ::

a)
The Squid and The Whale : a light-hearted comedy.

b)
Forest City Ratner's Atlantic Yards Proposal : a new stadium (oh, and some housing too) from "a developer who in his heart wants to do the right thing"

c) all of the above

et tu Frank Gehry?

*shamelessly stolen and renamed from the SAT Exam and/or norbizness.com


...add your own Brookyln-themed analogies!

Saturday, June 17, 2006

funky instant link dump

how to make funky instant link dump:

ingredients: generous portions of youtube, imdb and wikipedia

- mix in a small blog and link to taste.

- add steaming hot boredom, just off the boil.

serves: the two or three people who happen to trip over your speck of space on blogspot.com

While looking on youtube for clips from
this movie for the previous post I came across some other work by Japanese actor Toshiyuki Nishida:

monkey [english dub] monkey magic

and using The Earth's Biggest Movie Database as a guide I also find a trailer for
this movie which seems to have every car chase crash ever imagined:

The Man Who Stole the Sun (Taiyou wo Nusunda Otoko)

plot summary from
imdb:
A misfit high-school science teacher decides to build his own atomic bomb. He steals isotopes from a nuclear reactor and manages to create two warheads, but at the same time is present at a botched school-bus hijacking and is publicly coronated as a hero. Nevertheless, he uses the bombs to extort the police, first by demanding that baseball games be shown without commercial interruptions and then by having the Rolling Stones play in Japan despite their drug bust. Soon it's a race to see what wins first: the determined cop who's after him, the bomb he's carrying, or a burgeoning case of radiation poisoning...
and then there's this:

The Ramen Girl (2007, pre-production) starring Brittany Murphy and Toshiyuki Nishida

plot outline from
imdb:
The film is the story of an American woman (Murphy) who's stranded in Tokyo after breaking up with her boyfriend. Searching for direction in life, she trains to be a ramen noodle chef under a tyrannical Japanese master (Nishida)
I'd make a joke but a) I don't think I've ever seen a movie starring Brittany Murphy oh wait, I saw this and this but I don't really remember her in either of them*, and b) I'm pretty late finding out about this, so... here (via The Official Ramen Homepage**).

* Was she the one who hung herself in Girl, ... oh right, talking about "
an eat-in chicken"?

** which is confusing b/c
this seems more official.

Update 6/17/2006 4:48 PM: And the moral of the story is - unless your name is Monkey and you sprang from an egg that got pooped out of
Gaia and you posess monkey magic and your nature is irrepressible please don't be surprised when your aimlessness leads you to build an atomic bomb, or worse, study to become a ramen chef because we all know about idle hands and instant noodles.

Update 6/18/2006 2:08 AM: I dunno. Maybe it's just because i just got back from downing,
like, ten of these [edit: links to hofbraeu schwarze weisse now. I think that's what I was having...]
but this*** is blowing my mind... almost as sick as this.

whoa. chainsaws?

*** via wellroundednerds.blogspot.com

Update: 6/28/2006 12:57 AM: holy crap! and holy crap again! via BoingBoing.net, A Directory of Wonderful Things (no funkin' lie).

Thursday, June 15, 2006

I don't why I find this so funny...

I mean, couldn't you do this with The A-Team or MacGyver or nearly any other oddball teevee serial? Although the theme song gag wouldn't work the same:

Dr Who Night: "The Pitch of Fear" Mark Gatiss**

oh, and there's
this** too.

More on Mark Gatiss and Little Britain
here.

Update 6/15/2006 11:20 PM: hey! what's this? a-
hahaha

Ok simmer down now... here, enjoy some lite funk*:

Brand New Heavies in SPAAAAACE! and the Space Cowboy.

Update, a few minutes later... : OK!! What the flip are you bothering me for? I get it! You like Jamiroquai! You and like five million other people! Why not go and make it 5,616,022 views?! here! GOSH!!!

Update, a couple days later... :

* or, as some people call it, disco. And I don't know why I find this so funny funky:

Geroppa! (youtube, whatelse? be patient... only 0:46 long)

more Geroppa!

** Update, goddammit edition: busted links - "This video has been removed at the request of copyright owner BBC because its content was used without permission".

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

irony most ironical

So I take the subway home, as I do everyday, only this time the police have set up a table at my station - a table where they randomly stop riders and search bags*. There's maybe five officers standing around. If there were five more I would have had to ask to get by in order to get to the turnstiles. Since I'm not Asian "with a long length beard" - more White-Anglo-Saxon-ish - I don't really expect to be stopped. My train was there, waiting, so a random bag search would've really been a bummer. It only comes every ten minutes or so so a thirty minute commute becomes a forty minute one.

Anyway, I get home and
NOVA, a popular science television series, is on right now with previously aired episode on preserving America's priceless Charters of Freedom: the Declaration of Independence, the Constitution, and the Bill of Rights against the ravages of time.

... A
science show about preserving America's priceless Charters of Freedom which were designed to free us and protect us from having a tyrannical government.

... and we're preserving them because why?

What will the next NOVA be about? Scientists study the link between depression, suicide and
public relations?

- Oooh! Frontline is on ... and no irony. bye.

* Update 6/16/2006 12:00 AM Oh yeah, I guess Stabby McStabberson was on the loose. Never mind, I guess? Not sure what good setting up 'check point charlie' at my subway stop is going to do - trying to stop freak things like this from happening.

Monday, June 12, 2006

sorry...

Sorry for not posting anything since that very immature post below.

I'm a very busy man. I've been waiting for this movie staring Chevy Chase and Rick Moranis to come out on DVD so I could rent it and then post my review.

I suppose I'll just wait some more.


Update 6/13/2006 12:05 AM: ...and waiting...

Update 6/13/2006 12:08 AM: ...and waiting...

Update 6/13/2006 12:14 AM: ...and waiting*... for someone to upload 'Anticipation' to youtube.***

* Update 6/13/2006 12:44 AM Carly Simon's 'You're So Vain' feat. T-Bone Wolk (of Saturday Night Live Band and Hall and Oates** fame)

... and dig that crazy cowbell guy rockin' out.

** Update 6/13/2006 1:21 AM I'll let De La Soul have the last word - 'Say No Go'.

*** Update 6/30/2006 10:08 PM ... and here it is. Shake those shoulder pads!

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

your unit is showing

1mpr0v3 y0ur 1ife! m4k3 teh m0v3 2 teh p3n1s 8ui1dng f0r teh s3xy p4rty!!!

[see? I try to write about NYC and comes out all wrong!]

via curbed.com

ps. it really does look like a p3n1s.

pps. i would totally live there - how much? dog friendly?

Monday, June 05, 2006

big boy pants

--- see final update at bottom ---
--- my new screen name: orson ----


So I've decided to give myself a new handle (which should show up on this post). I got caught wandering through someone's backyard (see comments - EEP!* um, hi! seen my frisbee?) and I've always hated my old name so now I'm g-toast.

I know, I know, you hate it, but to me it has a certain 'je ne sais quoi'. Why the 'g'? Is he a ganstarapper? A g-man? Is this toast burned, as toast so often is? Is it an anagram of Goat St. or St. Goat or Toga St.?

Saldy, we'll never no know.

Besides, if I'm going to name myself after a food it should be something I know how to make.

And while I like them ol' Smithereens' songs well enough to start a blog by arbitrarily** naming myself after one of their songs/albums I read somewhere that the Smithereens' Pat D' guy was like a sorta-Libertarian (OK, Reform which is like a really mild Libertarian -
I don't know) or something and that won't do. I am not for 'shrinking government' - maybe I would to send it to its room without dinner. And by dinner I mean 'bloated military spending'. Where was I?

So, big boy pants from now on, with a better name, and my dog still hates me.

* "EEEP!" which I've always attributed to Calvin and Hobbes, no?

** other names I considered: Keyboard, Wall, Floor, Pencil, Cup, *looking around room*, ummm, Lamp...


g-toast (that's me) sez: see you at
the pool!

Thanks to Mrs. greenthoughts g-toast for getting the tix!

Update 7/1/2006 1:09 AM: OK. I hate hate hate the screen name 'g-toast'.

I am now 'orson'. I don't care if it dates me. I don't care if it's already taken by somebody else on blogspot. I don't care if Robin Williams sues me (ok, maybe a little). And I don't care if the orson character was all about not having a human sense of humor, a foil to mork, and how everything had to be explained to him - because when you have a dog that hates you, I imagine that feels a little like having some manic spaceman telepathically calling you up everyday trying to explain to you why everything is backwards from what you expect it to be and that maybe there's some cosmic joke being played on you. so there. final. I think. signing off... - orson.

Friday, June 02, 2006

motherlode

one stop shopping for tons of great videos. nice.

I went looking for some Oingo Boingo since I namechecked Tim Burton's Pee Wee's Big Adventure twice now (well, thrice now I guess) and I ended up at this youtube user's page. sick. barely a stinker in the bunch.

Also, the YT-to-the-UBE is going down for some maintenance, so this post is bit of a tease. Sorry.

Update 6/5/2006 2:38 AM: an even better list via firedoglake.com

Update 6/5/2006 2:58 AM: hmm... not a complete list (only one REM video? I've got my spine, I've got my... orange crush? oh, there it is!) - but a great place to get your Youtube music vid fix. This one made me sleepy. Almost.

Update 6/5/2006 3:11 AM: Yep, 3AM and I'm still up. Maybe this one will get me ready for bed (and possibly a good Mulholland Drive inspired nightmare). Here's the more upbeat version by some dude ;-)

Thursday, June 01, 2006

From Sasha to Sy

So a while back my parents give me a subscription to The New Yorker wherein I find a 'Pop Music' article by Sasha Frere-Jones on London pop-cycle Lily Allen and I promptly fire up the ol' microsoft internet explorer and check out her myspace site -- while I eat mac-and-cheese *** -- because I liked her cute polka-dot photo* and I managed to at least read the caption, if not that actual article:
Lily Allen's ska-inflected songs [something, something]
If the paragraph above does not illustrate how I am a capital 'D' Dork eight times over than I don't know what does. Seriously. To be clear, it's the conflagration of a gift-subscription from my wonderful, but aged parents to the The New Yorker print magazine that leads to a MS powered jaunt on the web prompted by a cute photo that caught my eye and a reference to 'ska' which I thought I got out of my system nearly ten years ago. The only way it could be worse would be if I followed it with an Ikea catalogue chaser. Sad.

Fun song tho. I like the video too. I like the bike. Very Pee Wee's Big Adventure** - Pass the Pee Wee 'pon the lef' han' side.

* I can say that because I've heard about Heath and Jake from wife enough times to know that I am entitled to a little oggling too.

** Ok, SECOND time I've brought up that movie
on this blog... DORK!

[...and the non-stop music blogging continues. if something happens with the dog (who hates me) -- like dramatically more or less hate/agnst -- i'll try and and post it to this music/youtube blog/linkdump.]

*** Update 6/13/2006 11:32 PM: ... I forgot about that KITH sketch.

the next left...

...could be your last!

Not only did my dog (who hates me) run away this past memorial day weekend (
we got her back), but the same day, on the way to the Lobster Inn for dinner, we nearly got smashed by an SUV as we tried to make a left at this messed up intersection:



I don't think I was the one driving, but what I do remember is some lunkhead bearing down on us, laying on his* horn, when we tried to make our left turn (see second image labeled 'us' and 'them'):



The problem with this intersection is that the merging road, 'them', is accelerating right into the road we're on just as we're trying to make our left. Why this post? I have two, no three reasons:

1) I was just reading
this after arriving there via sadlyno.com, blog.3bulls.net and countless other places that are too cool and sassy for me to even link to... but anway it remined me of our harrowing hamptons hell-ride.

2) I don't know. Bored?

3) Because we were right in making our left damn it! That dumbfck who nearly drove right up our backside was supposed to yield -- He* was merging with our road! The little solid white line was facing him. We had the dotted white line side.

Anyway, we survived and had a nice meal. If I go back again I'll come at it from the east -- stupid intersection.


Oh, and if the other passengers from our car are reading this, feel free to explain in the comments how I am exagerating and full of it and/or being a big cry-baby. Or, better still, explain how this death-trap of an intersection is supposed to work. Bleh. Like I said, bored.

[google maps is the best. double true.]

*her? she?