Orange Alert!!!

Brooklyn, NY - January 19, 2006

Orange Alert!!! Like any proper Orange Alert, this one is about a month old (or three to four years in some cases) - but the threat persists! My Dog (who hates me) is turning orange from constantly licking herself (because she hates me). We took her in and got some special doggie shampoo. I think it is best that 'mommy' gives her the baths, don't you? I mean, she can barely stand having me in the same room let alone me grabbing at her struggling, soapy body in an old cast iron tub. The sound of her claws against the tub - her soft whimpering echoing off the ceramic tile walls... [note to self: go to home depot and/or work on the screenplay] On the plus side, she hasn't tried to hide under the bed in a while -- and she still adores 'mommy'.